I am a perfectionist. I like things just so, and I always think that my way is the right way (...but I try not to be pushy about it...unless you're family. Then all bets are off). And although I like to think of it as a character strength, I'll admit it is sometimes a hindrance to my happiness, mainly because (ahem) nothing in life is perfect! An area where this is especially the case is my home.
Clay and I are blessed to own a beautiful home- I love love love it. The layout, the light fixtures, the frosted glass laundry room door that says "Laundry" with a picture of a sudsy tub, the back porch swing- I fell in love the very first time I saw it. We bought it at the age of 22, which is INSANELY young to become a homeowner these days, and have spent the last 4 years feathering our nest. Given the fact that we were babies out of college when we bought the house, we had literally nothing, save a hand-me-down couch, and washer and dryer set, in the way of furniture. Anyone who knows me will not be surprised by this, but I had a bit of a "beer budget, champagne taste" kinda conundrum going on when we finally settled in. Everywhere I looked I saw the furniture, picture, or knick-knack that should be there. I wanted to decorate the whole house all at once, and wasn't going to be satisfied until it was finished. Thankfully, I had a sane husband to reign me in and explain that going into debt so that our living room would be "cute" actually wasn't a good idea. 4 years later the house is still a work in progress, and although we've done a lot, I still find myself focusing more on what we don't have than on what we do. It's pretty bad- even when someone pays me a complement about the house, I find myself saying, "Thanks- it'll look much better once we've..." It's my perfectionist ways! I want my house to look just right, I can't help it! And though there's nothing wrong with wanting to make your home a nice place to be, lately I've really started to think about my mindset in this area. If I'm honest with myself, it isn't good. Rather than concentrate on all that God has blessed me with, I get caught up in what I don't have that I think I "need." And they're all material items!
So today I am concentrating on being thankful for my house. So many people have lost their homes to foreclosure or natural disaster, and we are in a stable situation. So many people lack the simplest comforts of home, and we have more than enough to keep us safe and warm. When I think about my situation in this light, I feel ashamed. How dare I be disgruntled about having to save up for Pottery Barn side tables , when there are others who would give anything to be able to sleep indoors tonight?
Now...that doesn't mean I'm not going to keep saving for those tables (they're TOO cute!), but it does mean that I need to not let the fact that I don't have them yet stop me from being grateful for the things I do have. And it does mean that I need to be very cautious to not get caught up in thinking about things from a worldly, materialistic perspective. The "I need it all, right now," instant-gratification, more-more-more mind-frame has got to go, and a great cure for it is to count the blessings I already have. Isn't it handy that I've already committed to blog about that very thing all month long?! ;-)
**Ethan slept through the night again last night!! Keeping my fingers crossed that this becomes a HABIT to be thankful for!
We bought our first house when I was twenty! and it was lavishly decorated with all the latest trends from goodwill... we've come a long way since then, too. But I STILL want to fix it, I needed to read this today --- I was just telling George this week that I wanted to re-do our living room... I think my exact sentence was, "I am so over these green chairs!" Thanks for the wake up call. :)
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